A divorce doesn’t end your duty to be a good parent — even if you do not have custody of your children. You may feel hurt, and you may have many things to worry about, but you need to help your children cope with the trauma and uncertainty of a divorce.

Turning your children against their other parent is not the solution. If that happens, everyone will suffer. Try to be helpful to your children and work to make your own life — and theirs — happy and successful.

Some Things to Remember

• Look on the good side.

• Give your children and yourself some time to get over the pain of the divorce. Help your children to remember the good times the family had before the divorce. Help them understand that the divorce is not their fault; that it does not mean one or both of the parents don’t love them anymore; and that the family has simply been restructured.

• If you feel angry with your former spouse, do not show those feelings to your children. Don’t say bad things about the other parent; your children need to love and respect both parents. Don’t force your children to choose sides.

• Try not to disrupt your children’s lives any more than necessary, especially right after the divorce. For example, if your children can stay in the same school and play with the same children for a while, they will do better.

• Tell your children about any changes which do become necessary. Stick to the visitation schedule but be flexible in allowing necessary modifications. Visitation is more important than most childhood activities and must take priority over baseball/soccer.

• Let your children know that they can talk about the divorce. They will be hurt if they feel that they cannot talk about it or think about it.

• Realize that, as your children grow older, you may need to talk about the divorce again in a different way. With your guidance, you may be able to help them learn how to make a better marriage.

• Remember that, no matter how hurt you may be, your children are also suffering. Be supportive and help them adjust to changing circumstances. Together, you will all survive the experience and help each other through this difficult time.

For Legal Advice, See Your Lawyer

If you need help finding a lawyer, call The Missouri Bar Lawyer Referral Service at 573/636-3635.

In Kansas City, call
816/221-9472
In St. Louis, call
314/621-6681
In Springfield, call
417/831-2783

Source - The Missouri Bar